no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
