so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize