DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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