where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
