the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
