Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
