If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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