no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
