I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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