You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
