Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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