i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
