So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
