OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
