i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
