I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize