How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize