u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
