Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
