Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
