The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
