My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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