He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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