We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
