So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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