i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
