I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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