easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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