I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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