Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize