Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
