so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
