first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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