she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
