My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize