The best revenge is premature balding
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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