Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
