So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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