I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize