3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize