You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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