I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
