She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
