watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
