Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
