I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He felt like a one man threesome
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
