You smell like a Billy Joel song
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
