I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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