Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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