i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
