I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
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Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
