there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Randomize
