I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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