There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
