3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
