Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
