I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
