Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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