you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
