I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
