my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
