dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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