I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
