South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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